Well I certainly got off track w/ my Yes to God Tuesday posts. A wedding, travelling back from the wedding... I didn't take time to write down what I had been digesting and learning from our book Behind Those Eyes by
Lisa Whittle .
I missed a few weeks of posts. I am so glad to be back on track with
Leila, our fearless leader, and my other bloggy sisters as we go through this book together. 2 chapters, whew... a lot to digest. There were so many points that struck me... and not enough time or space for me to post on what and how much resonated in my heart. (Quotes from the book are in bold italics)
The Massive Cover-Up
Chapters 6 & 7
Cosmetics for the Soul & The Feelings we Conceal
Cosmetics and Concealers... How these two chapters melded right into each other.
I have to admit... I LOVE make-up. I think I used to look at make-up as something I used to hide or cover up a flaw. Now I use make-up to enhance what the Lord has given me. I sometimes jokingly call myself The Maybelline Queen. I am not one of those gals who can't go out of the house w/out her makeup on and hair done... you would know that if you would run into me at the grocery on a Saturday morning. However, it wasn't so long ago that Maybelline Queen had a different meaning for me.
"Down deep inside, we as women know the truth: we have become experts at concealing things that we feel we need to keep hidden." We have all been there. We wake up and there it is... the largest pimple ever! Right there, for all the world to see! We painstakingly use all kinds of concealers, foundations and powders to cover up this disgusting blemish on our face. Keeping that blemish hidden... or so we think it's hidden. Usually I try so hard to cover a blemish that it more than likely sticks out even more... I thought of our sins that way. No matter how hard we try to conceal them, cover them up... at some point in time they will be revealed. Just like Adam and Eve, they covered their nakedness w/ leaves, however God called them out. The charade cannot go on for long. God will eventually call us out too. He wants us to be real! He wants us to be healed not concealed!
"As women, we spend much of our lives trying to conceal things we don't want others to know about us."As a teenager I was fearful of dating. All of my girlfriends were going out on dates, had boyfriends and were enjoying their High School dances. (I never went to a single high school dance - I was asked and I always had an excuse of why I couldn't go) What was really going on wasn't the excuse I always used "Oh, this weekend I will be at my mom's or this weekend I will be at my dad's." My fear of dating was linked to a fear of being abandoned. A fear of being left... it came from my parent's divorce. The divorce hurt & affected me more deeply than my tender age would let me understand at that time. That hurt and fear manifested itself in how I handled relationships. My make-up, my concealer at that time, and even into my young adult years - I am independent, I don't need anybody.
I recall my first serious boyfriend. I was a freshman in college and I fell in love with a sweet, young man. My best friend said "Miss Independent got herself a boyfriend!" Well, my make-up worked... I was seen as independent! I wasn't seen as afraid. It wasn't long (a few years into my relationship with this young man) that this cover up had to be dealt with. My heart was broken. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years left me for someone else. I had been abandoned. I was devastated. What was a girl to do? I became depressed. I made some pretty bad choices trying to conceal the hurt. Trying to bandage a broken heart with bad decisions. Living out on my own, partying, thinking... 'boy am I grown up now!'
"We mask our true feelings and cover up our sins." I don't even know if at the time I really understood that my behavior was my attempt to cover up the hurt but boy it wasn't covering up sin. Before, I put up a shield of so called independence. Now I was putting up a shield of carelessness. It wasn't long and this lifestyle was wearing a young 21 year old girl out. It wasn't who I was and God reached down, grabbed my hand and rescued me from a pit of cover-up. It is still a journey I take with Him. I have come A LONG way, believe me! God allowed certain things to happen in order for me to be sifted... in order to come to Him, in order to realize what truly satisfies.
"It's hard for all of us at times to take a long, hard look in the mirror. When we do, we often don't like what we see, preferring to keep our ugly hidden... It is painful to admit that we have strong feelings of insecurity, jealousy, loneliness, and fear... often to the point of actions resulting from them. We find out pretty early in life that pretending is a great way to keep these feelings concealed from others and even from ourselves."I have learned the hard way, through many lessons in my life, not just the lessons I learned as a reckless girl in her early 20's that God desires me to seek Him and His righteousness. To not be fearful, not be insecure, jealous or lonely. I thank Him for the journey He allowed me to take... that He was right there with me even when I wasn't always seeking Him and His ways. There is no doubt in my mind that He had a much bigger plan... and He would be the best "make-up" remover ever! The old Maybelline Queen had something to hide... the new Maybelline Queen is enhanced by the love and grace my King has lavished upon me.
